An unexpected (or expected) bad and unwanted break-up can make you throw in a pit of anguish. Movies and TV shows have portrayed for a long time how easy it is to get over a break-up. Simple it is to sit in your pyjamas, watch a tragic romantic movie, and cry while eating a tub of ice-cream. Then see yourself all ready to take on life in two days. However, sadly this is not the case in real life. We end up with bad coping mechanisms such as heavy drinking, avoiding work, neglecting friends and family, and turn a blind eye about taking care of yourselves.
Several factors are linked with the adjustment after the breakup. This includes the duration of your relationship, who initiated the breakup, the intensity of the breakup, relationship quality, and most importantly reason of the breakup. A negative relationship breakup is strongly linked with poor mental health outcomes in young adults and adolescents (Mirsu-Paun & Oliver, 2017). Therefore, processing the breakup and handling yourself well after it is essential for you to cleanly move on.
Rebuild your esteem
If it was your partner who initiated the breakup, it is common that you will blame yourself for this. Lots of self-doubt might arise and this may lower your confidence in relationships. You might find yourself questioning your personality, highlight your flaws, and wonder if you are worth being loved. One of the most important things is you accept yourself now again with a singles identity. It will be difficult in the beginning to see yourself not a girlfriend/boyfriend of his/hers. Begin to focus on your value and how much you gave into your relationship. Reflect upon your best qualities instead of the ones you do not hold. Make a list of your best traits, your skills, and abilities and what more qualities you possess that are valued in relationships.
Nourish your body
We pick on easy negative coping habits such as drinking alcohol or popping pills to ease the hurt. Our moods direct our eating patterns. It is very common that we lose our appetite when we are blue or in pain. Hence spend some time in physical exercising and this will then open doors for appetite. Physical exercising will ensure your sleeping routine as well, as sorrow and discomfort does not allow us to fall asleep.
Stay away from rebounds
Rebounds may seem like a quick fix that may make you feel valuable and wanted. But this is only temporary and soon you might regret it. This behavior is also a reflection of how you are avoiding processing and accept what you are actually feeling.
Seek support from friends and family
Turn to people you trust during your healing process. Friends and family can guide you to do what is best for you. Cry with them if you need to. Such people will strive to keep you happy and make you feel good.
Note all their negatives
Write down all the habits and behaviors you did not like of your ex-partner. This way you can tell yourself that such a person was not good enough for you. Add the sacrifices you made in the relationship. You may want to refer to these whenever you start to run down memory lane and miss them and think to yourself how it was all so perfect.
Social media detox
Soon after the breakup you are tempted to stalk your ex to see how they are coping (if they are) with the breakup. Just deleting your ex from social media is not sufficient. If you shared mutual friends then you will have to limit social media use until you seem fit- that you would not be persuaded to stalk. The urge to check up of how well your ex is doing will not pass soon, therefore try checking up on old friends or relatives or simple catch up with your parents. The goal is to divert and create separation.
Getting over a breakup takes time and the time taken is not the same for everyone. You will find things for a closure, but deep down it is a cry to get back together. A much healthy thing is that you need to accept you and your partner were not meant to be together. If your ex could not convey what went wrong, tell yourself he/she suffered from commitment issues and this is all you need to close this chapter of life and move forward. The underlying meaning behind saying that to yourself is to say you deserve much better-someone you loves you enough and appreciates everything about you, cares for your feelings, and commits to you.
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References
Mirsu-Paun, A., & Oliver, J. A. (2017). How much does love really hurt? A meta-analysis of the association between romantic relationship quality, breakups and mental health outcomes in adolescents and young adults. Journal of Relationships Research, 8.
Locker Jr, L., McIntosh, W. D., Hackney, A. A., Wilson, J. H., & Wiegand, K. E. (2010). The Breakup of Romantic Relationships: Situational Predictors of Perception of Recovery. North American Journal of Psychology, 12(3).
Shulman, S., Seiffge-Krenke, I., Scharf, M., Lev-Ari, L., & Levy, G. (2017). Adolescent depressive symptoms and breakup distress during early emerging adulthood: Associations with the quality of romantic interactions. Emerging adulthood, 5(4), 251–258.
Maertz, K. (n.d.). Surviving A Relationship Break-Up — Top 20 Strategies https://www.mcgill.ca/counselling/files/counselling/surviving_a_break-up_-_20_strategies_0.pdf
