What is Gaslighting? Signs, Causes, Types, Examples and Response.
Gaslighting : Gaslighting is a pattern of behavior that includes telling blatant lies, denying the truth, and making someone believe they are losing their grip on reality.
The term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light and its 1944 film adaptation Gaslight. In both cases, the villain tries to convince his wife she is going insane by manipulating small things in her environment while convincing her she’s mistaken or misremembering.
A common kind of manipulation in abusive relationships is gaslighting. It is a covert form of emotional abuse in which the bully or abuser deceives the victim by fabricating a story and leading them to doubt their perceptions of reality.
In the end, the gaslighting victim begins to doubt their understanding of reality and may even begin to question their sanity.
Where can gaslighting occur?
Although it frequently occurs in dominating friendships and among family members, gaslighting mostly happens in romantic relationships. People with mental health conditions may gaslight others. They manipulate friends, family members, or even coworkers by using this form of emotional abuse to control them.
It occurs in any type of interaction, but it is especially common in :
* Close relationships
* Between Family member
* Ethical gaslighting
* Belief gaslighting
How someone can gaslight you?:
“I’m sorry you think that I hurt you.”
This kind of apology leaves the victim questioning their own judgement and wondering if they really did overreact. It can lead to the victim relying on the abuser’s interpretation of events.“You should have known how I would react.”
This is another way an abuser will deflect responsibility onto the victim. This can make the victim feel guilty or hurt about a situation where they really didn’t do anything wrong.
Some other examples are:
“Are you sure of that? Your memory is poor.”
“I have no idea what you are saying”
“This is your own fault.”
“You’re too emotional.”
“You read some crap on the internet, that’s all. It’s not true.”
Gaslighting can be done to one person, as well as groups. It is a way for abusers to have control over their victims and make them feel like they are going crazy. Gaslighting tactics are used by abusers to make victims doubt themselves, question their beliefs, and create feelings of anxiety.
There are numerous ways in which gaslighting can occur. Some types are:
- Countering
- Diverting
- Trivializing
- Denial
- Withholding
- Stereotyping
What causes gaslighting behavior?
People pick up the habit of gaslighting by observing others. A person who employs this technique may have discovered it is a successful means of getting what they want or exerting control over others. They can believe they are entitled to things or that the needs and wants of others don’t matter.
Abuse is occasionally displayed by people who have personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Unhealthy relationships may result from this constellation of symptoms. However, mental illness is not necessarily the cause of gaslighting. Anyone has the ability to act in this way.
Signs of Gaslighting: Manipulation
The internet provides an opportunity for gaslighters to have access to their victims 24/7, making it easier to manipulate them. Gaslighters may use social media posts, pictures, or comments from friends as proof that the victim is wrong about what they are experiencing.
Manipulation is a major way to change someone’s prospective towards anything. Manipulation can be defined as the act of controlling and influencing someone to get them to do something or make belief about something. There are many different ways abuser use manipulation and some are more subtle than others. Manipulative techniques can fall into two categories: direct or indirect. Direct manipulation is when someone is told what to do, usually in a way that they will comply with the orders given, while indirect is when there are subtle hints that manipulate a person into doing something without realizing it.
There are many signs of manipulation and some are more obvious than others. The most obvious sign is when someone tells you what you should be doing with your life or how you should live it- this is called “coercive control”.
How to respond to gaslighting?
The examples above should help you understand what’s going on if you’ve been the victim of gaslighting. It’s crucial to keep in mind that you may be a victim of gaslighting if you frequently feel doubtful, guilty, shameful, or guilty about something.
First and foremost, practicing self-compassion and reminding yourself that you are not at fault when you have recognized it. Seek the help of a mental health professional which will assist you in determining whether you are a victim of gaslighting, as well as better comprehending and putting coping mechanisms into practice, along with ensuring that you get an unbiased assessment of your circumstance.
How to respond to someone who is gaslighting you?
- “My emotions and my realities are true. You telling me that I am being overly sensitive is not something I like.”
- “I’m allowed to talk to you about these subjects and have these talks. Do not tell me that I am exaggerating.”
- “I am aware of what I witnessed.”
- “Never tell me how I should feel. I feel as though this.”
- If you keep downplaying how I’m feeling, “I won’t continue this talk.” (Finally, put the barrier in place).
It could be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional at HopeQure if you believe that you are a victim of gaslighting. They can assist you in gaining perspective, understanding the problem better, and creating fresh coping mechanisms to deal with the behavior.
Get online therapy and psychological counselling for depression, anxiety, panic attack, phobia, bipolar disorder, relationship issues, breakup, autism, sleep disorder, stress, anger issues. Receive Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and relationship counselling through HopeQure’s experienced and certified psychologists.
